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Month: June, 2012

Carol


On Wednesday January 11th, my friend Carol Anne Stamper died in a car accident. My very close friend Ashely, was driving. My life will never be the same. After the incident, I wrote about it. Now I am ready to post this. I’ve tried to explain loosing a person to people, but the one word I always say is raw. Death is raw, and you don’t understand until it hits that close to home.

 

the crisp of fresh January gives me the metallic, regretful feeling

that arises

at the back of my throat.

 

I feel her wide eyes as she stops short

the empty expression forever plastered behind gut wrenching sheets

 

and I see her screams carved and scratched

with care

into the unforgiving earth

 

I stand beside you numb and silent

agape and raw

you can feel my heart on the tips of my fingers.

as you writhe and struggle for her

and realize, I am there with you

gripped by the chilled hand of a bastardous reality

who dares steal from us

 

he is cruel,

and smirks

teasing your insides, and tugging my windpipe.

it gives way and rips

and bleeds into itself,

my uneven tears sting what remains, after restless nights before

spent so painfully alone; that such fragile life cannot endure

and longing for true mourning and rebirth

that are truly not an option

 

the crisp of fresh morning gives me the metallic, regretful feeling

that arises

at the back of my throat, as I wake

the cracked salt on my cheeks and twisted blankets leave eyes swollen

and head sore

heavy with memories

I had never recalled until now

 

I no longer can appreciate things how they are

 

I want nothing

I only want the thing I am incapable of

I will never reach you

anymore

as I could before

 

The Black Parade in the sky

marches and plays for you

a tune of something you would like.

crushing charcoal beneith thier worn, gothic boots.

and here from below, the dead pine trees,

that easily sway in the wind;

creaking with age and exhaustion,

I tell you this;

 

I no longer smile at things;

they remind me of you.

and of your smile.

this endless verdigo

is too much for me now.

spinning on this cold, hard planet is no longer meaningful.

no matter how gentle a mockingbird may be

or how beautiful the song it sings

it is still only a mockingbird.

and is only capable of mere things

as it is only a mere creature.

 

I look up at the creamy blue sky

with no marbled clouds in sight

spinning slowly

light headed and disoriented

 

I missed you

that rainy Wednesday afternoon

the gloom and fog suffocating us all

I had no idea what I had

until it wasn’t there next to me

 

even if it was numb to begin with

even if you were numb to begin with

even if I was numb to begin with

 

I miss you

 

 

 

 

——–

This was a traumatizing event in my life.

You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.

I can’t stress how true this is.

I hope that people cherish the time they have on this planet and feel alive with those they love. Feel the breeze before it’s passed. And please, Remember to Love…

 

 

 

 

Rest in Peace, Beautiful Carol

5/10/96 – 1/11/12

 

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It’s the Best Time of the Year (Again)


Hey guys!

In the cool Friday morning I will crawl into the car and drive with my mom to the mountains of Brevard, North Carolina. I’ll be at all girls Keystone Camp for 3 weeks singing songs, eating delicious food, shooting targets, reciting lines from Macbeth, and fighting off vicious beaver-sharks that reside in the canoe lake. It will be my sixth time returning to Keystone Camp for the summer, and every year it only gets better.

However, like any other camp there are policies regarding electronics; phones, computers, ipads, kindles, headphones, (and now) ipods, or anything that can access the internet are strictly off limits to all campers. This means no computer.

Which means, no internet…

Which means, no Facebook, or WordPress, or Tumblr, or FF.net…

Which means, no fanfiction…

Which means, there is a small possibility I might collapse due to not getting enough of my internets. It’s horrible really…

Alas, my good shipping friends have sworn to send me all the fanfiction, fanart, and updates, so all is good in the hood.

I am planning to write mostly ‘My Sweet Sixteen’ based stories, because somebody won’t leave me alone about it. It’s okay though, I really should do chapters from that. I’m going to try my hardest to write at least, a rough outline of the whole entire plot, so I can have some rough line to run by when I try to go back a write it all.

Anyway, that is all, and I hope you all have an awesome summer!

Text Edit Drafts: Sneak Peak of What I’ve Been Thinking About…


This is some random crap that I will later write a more detailed entry about. Just some food for thought.

Story Ideas.

…a plumber, and his clients (slice of life)

…a girl who delivers news-papers, and encounters trouble with her bike (short film)

…scuba diver who suffers from lung cancer (slice of life, seinen, depression)

…a young musician, and his friend, getting into mischief (julie and ; boy meets tomboy, girl meets friendly hipster, comedy, adventure, random, 5cm per second, but with a PALE COCOON mix, with more colors and scarves, running around, parks, fireworks, concerts, rooftops, graffiti, ARTIST TALENT.)

…’criminal beats’ (piracy musicians, more like, copiers, who travel around and steal music, broadcast it other places, spreading knowledge of talented bands and individuals in an illegal way, genius, comedy, a combo of cowboy bebop and FLCL

…cell strums, Lucky Star on steroids.

…young lady who works at a carpet store, helps various people, and plays the piano

…in a time of war and poverty, boy meets boy, and something sparks. curious and innocent Julian/Julie, is swung along on a journey with cocky, adventurous, NAMEAHHHHHHH-NEEDANAMMEEEEEEEEE (possibilities; Jess/Jack, Jessie, JET AHHHH BUT ITS ALREADY—the copywriter people with butcher me if I use that name for a character with the same hair and attitude…..CALM YOUR ITTY BITTY TITS DOWN….he still has Zuko… <3 (dat mean I luv den moar than 3!….) kind of like No. 6 (SWOON), but more violence, and jumping on trains, and fighting with knives. mostly bluffing, but some hobo soup. Also, NAME is also fashionable. (olive green pea-coat, no hat, red, plaid hobo scarf, layers of shirts, long sleeve and short sleeve, greenish jeans? (or just dark rinse- Morgan, low hip rise, ruffled before the Madden Girl black boots, about 8 inches high up the leg. hobo socks, doubled up, with holes. gloves (fingerless) are purple. Very charismatic and witty, funny, almost like NEZUMI AND SHION……..but not that much (song-SHINee Girl by SHINee XD YESSSS)

…spin off of MY SWEET SIXTEEN— My Bitter Seven, or My Bitter Eight, sounds nice; really, any number that has one syllable. Showing the more bitter moments up close that were only touched up on in My Sweet Sixteen. It is from the perspective of a different character, and relives My Sweet Sixteen from their point of view. SOME SAMPLE WRITEN PIECES FOR DISCUSSION

—death of mom (cancer)

—beach, dying whale (can’t help dying creatures <–sad : (

—brother leaving for army

—totally ignored by a friend, bullying at school maybe?

—having another character show up completely in the middle of an emotional break down…

—Not being able to find the right spice for a recipe

—violence at school, a fight (someone called friend a faggot, fists prevailed)

—student commits suicide (leads into the last one….)

—diagnosed with depression   BLAH BLAH BLAH

end; 10:21pm, Dec 29, THU

start; 7:08 pm, May 18 FRI

…BEAT OF MY SOUL- or -soul beat- or- Walk to my beat-…all about people’s hearts and their music that pulses through them. Each person has a ‘beat’ that is referred to as their ‘soul’ (MOTHA FUCKER. IF YOU SAY ANYTHING ABOUT GINGERS I SWEAR TO GOD). A person’s soul can vary depending on what kind of person they are, and how they act; their personality and style play a big part, and this reflects in their diction and their background as well as their goals, dislikes and likes. People can have a ‘jazz beat’, ‘rock beat’, hip-hop beat’, ‘loose beat’, ‘8-bit beat’, ‘sweet beat’, ‘marching beat’, ‘dark beat’, ‘solid beat’, ‘solo beat’, ‘packed beat’, original beat’, ‘clear beat’, or a ‘messy beat’. There are many different possibilities, and I will only include so many in my story I plan to do…or, ally he character bio’s I come up with XD with no chapters at all. SPEAKING OF CHARACTERS BIOS XD hehehehehe; I have already brainstormed several characters and I have a way I’ve been doing it. While Listening to Pandora, I imagine a story or ‘monologue’ with out words…so It’s more of a montage actually… I then draw a small picture of the person I envision the best I can by the time the song ends. I also make sure I write down the song and the artist on the top of the sticky note (what I’ve been using so far, sticking them all on one piece of paper: a drawing of my main character Julie, who is modeled after my good friend Julian) and then later name the character after the song, or the band. It depends most of the time. For example, I drafted a bio for a boy while listening to ‘The Middle’ By…Jimmy Eat World. I will either call him Middle or Jimmy-but probably Middle. (it doesn’t matter how strange the song….for example the song ‘Sexy And I Know It’ by LMFAO —>> name possibilities would be; Know, Sexy, LMFAO, I Know It…it’s meant to be different and unique. Another example would be ‘Electric Heart’ by SHINee, a korean boy band who recently released their second album and third ep; Sherlock. I would probably name the character Electric or…Electro, something like that.   This is still very different from what I sometimes do with my characters from my stories and relate their lives or life problems/events to a song. This is the other way around; I create a person from a song, I am not listening carefully to lyrics to see if a song relates to my characters I have already created.

end; 7:41 pm, May 18 FRI

start; 1:07 pm, May 31 THUR

MOVE – (Draft 1Drawing)   I want to use the basis of the song ‘ALL IS LOVE’ by Karen O & the Kids and ‘BELIEVE’ by The Bravery. There are four kids, and it’s kind of like a brushed up version of the music video ‘FEEL GOOD INC’ by Gorillaz (or however it’s spelled). The plot is loose right now…it will be organic, but not ridiculously organic like DREAM RUNNER. I think it should be more down to earth, slice of my shitty life, life rebuilding, with the times, after war/during war, something there, that’s raw. Their names are FOXY, MAX, AMERITH, and CHERISH. Cherish is a girl, the rest are boys. Max is the youngest, then Foxy, then Cherish, and finishing off with the oldest (and only girl) Cherish. Based on the photo I drew, seen here. This song is mainly focused around THE MUSIC. It could be my triply version of Studio 4-C’s Genius Party. I especially liked the 5th movie in the Genius Party Beyond set, ‘Dimension Bomb’. You can read more about the Genius Party here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genius_Party

and watch the 5th installment of the Genius Party Beyond films, ‘Dimension Bomb’, here:

Hope you enjoy!