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Category: A lifes’ Journey


On Wednesday January 11th, my friend Carol Anne Stamper died in a car accident. My very close friend Ashely, was driving. My life will never be the same. After the incident, I wrote about it. Now I am ready to post this. I’ve tried to explain loosing a person to people, but the one word I always say is raw. Death is raw, and you don’t understand until it hits that close to home.


the crisp of fresh January gives me the metallic, regretful feeling

that arises

at the back of my throat.


I feel her wide eyes as she stops short

the empty expression forever plastered behind gut wrenching sheets


and I see her screams carved and scratched

with care

into the unforgiving earth


I stand beside you numb and silent

agape and raw

you can feel my heart on the tips of my fingers.

as you writhe and struggle for her

and realize, I am there with you

gripped by the chilled hand of a bastardous reality

who dares steal from us


he is cruel,

and smirks

teasing your insides, and tugging my windpipe.

it gives way and rips

and bleeds into itself,

my uneven tears sting what remains, after restless nights before

spent so painfully alone; that such fragile life cannot endure

and longing for true mourning and rebirth

that are truly not an option


the crisp of fresh morning gives me the metallic, regretful feeling

that arises

at the back of my throat, as I wake

the cracked salt on my cheeks and twisted blankets leave eyes swollen

and head sore

heavy with memories

I had never recalled until now


I no longer can appreciate things how they are


I want nothing

I only want the thing I am incapable of

I will never reach you


as I could before


The Black Parade in the sky

marches and plays for you

a tune of something you would like.

crushing charcoal beneith thier worn, gothic boots.

and here from below, the dead pine trees,

that easily sway in the wind;

creaking with age and exhaustion,

I tell you this;


I no longer smile at things;

they remind me of you.

and of your smile.

this endless verdigo

is too much for me now.

spinning on this cold, hard planet is no longer meaningful.

no matter how gentle a mockingbird may be

or how beautiful the song it sings

it is still only a mockingbird.

and is only capable of mere things

as it is only a mere creature.


I look up at the creamy blue sky

with no marbled clouds in sight

spinning slowly

light headed and disoriented


I missed you

that rainy Wednesday afternoon

the gloom and fog suffocating us all

I had no idea what I had

until it wasn’t there next to me


even if it was numb to begin with

even if you were numb to begin with

even if I was numb to begin with


I miss you






This was a traumatizing event in my life.

You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.

I can’t stress how true this is.

I hope that people cherish the time they have on this planet and feel alive with those they love. Feel the breeze before it’s passed. And please, Remember to Love…





Rest in Peace, Beautiful Carol

5/10/96 – 1/11/12



My Sweet Sixteen – Song Choices (Thank the Mighty God Named Pandora) [Part 1]

These are some of the Songs that I have chosen out of, literally, hundreds; they are the songs that I feel most accurately portray the mood of the story at certain times. What of Whom the song speaks for can vary. It can be what a certain character is feeling after or during an event, or what one person feels towards another. It can also simply just fit the moment best. For example, When Tame, the main character from My Sweet Sixteen (I finally decided on her name! – this IS final.) plays the piano for her father, she plays the song Claire De Lune, and a series of scenes are shown, mostly consisting of nature scenery.

Anyway, here are the songs, and I would really appreciate it if everyone would go through and listen to these songs. If you can’t understand what the artist is saying, look up the lyrics and follow along. Almost all of them can be found on YouTube, or online elsewhere. If you have trouble finding a version with good quality, or have difficulty locating a version at all, comment and I will leave a link in reply.

If there is an asterisk ( * ) next to the song, it means I have a specific vision, or ‘music video’ made up of a series of clips that tells a story as the music plays. It’s in sync, and the lyrics are relevant. PLEASE NOTE – because I am a horrible author and updater, (and fail to do so even when I say I will more often…) I will create a PART 2 with all the songs marked with an asterisk, telling what exactly is happening during the song.

Please comment if you have any questions, or if you’ve got a good song you think I should listen to in regards to any sort of situation or controversy in the story. (For example, Suss, a song that explains the relationship of Paece and Hoth might be ‘I LOVE YOU – BUT ONLY WHEN NO ONE CAN SEE US’ whereas a song expressing Mac and Charlie might be….. ‘EXCUSE ME WHILE I SLIDE MY HAND DOWN YOUR PANTS WHILE THE SMALL CHILDREN WATCH’…..if you…know what I mean XD. Anyway, enjoy, and as always, I PROMISE TO UPDATE MORE – and I’ll try harder this time around… = __ =

*Northern Downpour – Panic! At The Disco

*Paradise – Coldplay

Love You Like A Love Song – Selena Gomez

*NaNaNa – My Chemical Romance

We Are Young – Fun

*Safe & Sound – Taylor Swift ft. The Civil Wars

Lisztomania – Phoenix

*1901 – Phoenix

Float On – Modest Mouse

The World At Large – Modest Mouse

3rd Planet – Modest Mouse

Black and Blue – Miike Snow

Song for No One – Miike Snow

Time to Pretend – MGMT

*Kids – MGMT

I Can’t Stop – Flux Pavilion

*Safe and Sound – COVER by Thank You and Goodbye (amazing, but very different, I love this version just as much as the first.)

>> << (here)

*Last to Know – Three Days Grace

I Just Wanna Run – The Downtown Fiction

*How Far We’ve Come – Matchbox 20

*Dear Prudence – The Beatles

Falling Up – DillonFrancis

>> << (here)

*Mad World – Gary Jules

*I Don’t Wanna Be in Love – Good Charlotte

The River – Good Charlotte

Crystal Clear – Opus Orange

*Mercy Street – Emy Reynolds + Opus Orange

In Your Shadow (I Can Shine) – Tokio Hotel

Boyfriend – Justin Bieber (Please don’t shoot me, it has purpose, I swear)

Hallelujah – Jeff Buckley

>> << (here)

*Scar Tissue – Red Hot Chili Peppers

Can’t Stop – Red Hot Chili Peppers

*FIRE – The Program (This is my best friends band – they can be found on facebook here>> << and you can listen to their new ep here>> << . Unfortunately, they have yet to record FIRE, so there is no way for you to experience the amazing eargasm until I record it and upload it.

Dare – Gorillaz

Feel Good Inc. – Gorillaz

Strawberry Fields Forever – The Beatles

Iris – The Goo Goo Dolls

Slide – The Goo Goo Dolls

*Hey Jude – The Beatles

I am the Walrus – The Beatles

Just Can’t Get Enough – The Black Eyed Peas

*Aru Machi no Gunjou – Asian Kung Fu Generation

Yesterday – The Beatles

*Rolling in the Deep – ADELE

*My Same – ADELE

Back in Black – ACDC

Shoot to Thrill – ACDC

*Fell in Love With a Girl – The White Stripes

*Seven Nation Army – The White Stripes

*We’re Going to Friends – The White Stripes

Pumped Up Kicks – Foster the People

*I’m in Here – Sia

*My Love – Sia

A Thousand Years – Christina Perri (I know this is from Twilight….God it really pains me to put this here, let’s just say it’s temporary)

*Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds – The Beatles

Bebop – The Black Eyed Peas

The Bad Touch – The Blood Hound Gang

First Day of My Life – Bright Eyes

*Young – Hollywood Undead

Hey Soul Sister – Train

*Drop of Jupiter – Train

Alligator – Tegan and Sara

Turn Me On – Nicki Minaj

Hatchet Girl – The Akira Complex ( An original Song by my friend, who is an amazing composer.)

(here) >> <<

Blister in the Sun – Violent Femmes

Breaking the Habit – Linkin Park

Fireflies – Owl City

Facedown – The Red Jump Suit Apparatus

I Don’t Care – Fall Out Boy

I Write Sins Not Tragedies – Panic! At The Disco

Shadow of the Day – Linkin Park

All Over You – The Spill Canvas




[p.s. – My Exams are coming up, at the end of May and the beginning of June, so expect less updates around that time.]








From Here on Out

So, the end of the school year is approaching, and I know I haven’t updated like I said I would….> . <
But, I'm going to make sure I whip myself into shape, and do ALL MY WRITING.
I'm planning to work mainly on My Sweet Sixteen; song themes, song fics, spin-offs, monologues, chapter-by-chapter updates (hopefully), and maybe even some 'behind the scenes' crack for laughs.
I will be attending summer camp for 3 weeks, and during that time I will not have access to any computer, phone or the interent at all. However, I will bring my notebooks and my pencils as well as my dirty mind, and every night I'll write some juicy scenes that I will enjoy typing up later when I return home. I might actually try to have my laptop during the ride home so I can type things up and get a head start.
I'm hoping to really try and develop a good portion of the My Sweet Sixteen series, because a certain someone really wants me to write about it…
I've also developed a new story…I understand nothing. It's super trippy though, and i feel like everyone in the show is on crack- and GET THIS! NO GAY COUPLES!!!! (wow, that's a huge break through!)
I hope that everyone continues to check the site once and a while during the summer, and puts up a comment when they do, letting me know how their summer is going.
(I will post the dates of my camp session later)

Happy New Year!

I hope that everyone had a decent 2011, as made the best of it, because it’s gone now. It’s 2012 baby! Which means resolutions. Here’s some of mine:

-updating at least once a week or once every 2 weeks
-being better about procrastination
-doing homework earlier
-trying harder in Spanish and biology, and studying 20 mins each night for each subject
-keeping my room clean
-not getting carpel tunnel
-exercising more
-stop biting my nails
-continue Japanese, and take up Korean or Russian

I hope that everyone makes the best of this year! Have a Happy New Year!

Still Eating Leftovers?

I hope everyone had an awesome thanksgiving. If you shared food with l the majority of your entire extended family (cousins and their husbands and children, brothers and sisters), then you will be eating leftovers for the next week and a half. Although the stuffing is delicious and the desserts are divine, I must be honest and say the week after thanksgiving is painful for me.
The ridiculously early christmas decorations being put up, screaming children, stressful early Christmas shopping, and sales. I hate sales. Sales these days aren’t even very special, as there is not one moment when their isn’t any sort of discount or deal in your average store. There is always an excuse to have a sale, and though you may be unaware, the price of say, a jacket, is usually raised before a sail; meaning, the price to begin with is higher than it should be. Over time, the sale price becomes the regular price. And so when the jacket is moved to the clearance, it is actually the price of what originally meant to be a regular marked down price for an average sale.

Home Again, Home Again

Oh joy for 5:30 departures. I wake up to the chaos of the rest of my family frantically zooming through various sections of my house, packing things they had forgotten to set aside the night before. I think it is way to early to see my mom or dad, especially my sister. I don’t know how much longer I can bear all her constant updates regarding the weather in the city we are scheduled to land in.
We’ve made it past security and are now sitting at our terminal, waiting to board. Personally I like airports, and am used to them; mostly because I fly so often. When I think about it I realize how often me and my family flys places.
The voice has just told me that class R is boarding. Hi-ho.


I’m in Maryland! Me and my friend who moved, Izzy, are going to animeusa together all day Saturday. I’m so exited, it’s going to be awesome! I plan on starting the day in the panels and in the hallway. Then I’ll take a stroll through the artists alley. For lunch, we’ll go to the maid cafe and afterwards hit the dealers room and maybe the game room and play some DDR or super smash bros. Finish the day with more panels, pocky, and crash after the rave. I’ll write about it if I remember it.

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween everyone!
I hope it doesn’t rain the whole night so you guys can trick or treat!


I have several test this week so I won’t be updating until next week again. :(

The new girl, the Madden Girl

I am adding a new series that it’s necessarily a series. Madden girl is going to be mostly more vague than the other stories I have here. The Madden Girl series I think will en up being reflections of my own feeling and emotions base in what is happening in my life. I’m guessing it will mostly consist of drabbles (short, more vague, mindless pieces, with little or no solid theme, scene or dialogue, usually about either love or problems), poetry, and random emo angsty mindless stuff called EXPRESSION. I might even do a drabble about cake or fire or ponies or even pine cones……….maybe…..
Anyway, look forward too it! Keep checking up on WordPress more often, because I have more free time now to update more often. I’ve found it easier to type on the bus to and from school and then update when I get home. I look forward to starting this new installment!